Author Archives: Devin

About Devin

I'm a 26 year old just trying to figure out this whole life thing. I am a member of the Anglican Church of North America in the diocese of New England. I am an ex-pat southerner living in the North. I like to write what I'm passionate about, God, theology, philosophy, anglicanism, relationships, coffee, whiskey, smoking a pipe, the outdoors, the south, life....you get the idea. I am a pilgrim in this life, let me walk with you. -- Your Humble Servant

Hail Mary, Full of Grace

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For that fair blessed mother-maid,

Whose flesh redeem’d us, that she-cherubin,

Which unlock’d paradise, and made

One claim for innocence, and disseizèd sin,

Whose womb was a strange heaven, for there

God clothed Himself, and grew,

Our zealous thanks we pour.  As her deeds were

Our helps, so are her prayers; nor can she sue

In vain, who hath such titles unto you.

Our gospel passage this morning begins with Mary making her way to Elizabeth’s house. The Angel Gabriel had just visited St. Mary. “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you! Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” Mary is told that she will be the Mother of God. And with this acclamation given to her, she “went with haste into the hill country, to a town in Judah.”

Mary comes to the Prophet Elizabeth’s house. I call her a prophet because as soon as Mary enters her home she is filled with the Holy Spirit. Elizabeth is given knowledge, divine inspired knowledge, that could not come from any human agency. She cried out loudly in joy and exultation that Mary is to be the mother of the Lord. And so Elizabeth bows in Mary’s presence, crying out:

Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb.  And why has this happened to me, that the mother of my Lord comes to me?

The older honors the younger. And the older, the prophet, is the first to call Mary Blessed.

Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the Lord

The Magnificat is Mary’s response to this. And this morning I want to look at the magnificat to answer a question “Why do we look to Mary?”

Mary’s magnificat can be divided into three sections. The first section is Mary’s cry of praise and adoration to God for his favor to her and and all people.

My soul magnifies the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.

Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed.

For the Mighty One has done great things for me; holy is his name. His mercy is on those who fear him in every generation

My soul magnifies the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant. Mary’s act of worship is her act of obedience, her act of acceptance of her own unique vocation. It is an act of praise for God’s great mercies. And this act is also an expression of her joy and wonder at the fact that God has chosen her. Mary then expands this to everyone, His mercy is on those who fear him in every generation. The same God that has chosen me, the same God that is coming into the world, has chosen every generation.

The second part of the magnificat sets out the values of the kingdom of God. It answers the question “Why Mary?”

He has shown strength with his arm, he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts; he has brought down the powerful from their thrones, and lifted up the lowly; he has filled the hungry with good things, and sent the rich empty away.

The first become last, and the last become first. It is not the headwaiter that knew where the wine had come from, it was the servants. It is the Samaritan woman at the well that spreads the gospel to Samaria. And it is a unimportant woman from Nazareth that becomes the mother of God

The Final section of the magnificat is concerning God’s promises being fulfilled.

He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy,

according to the promise he made our ancestors, to Abraham and his descendants for ever.

God has chosen Mary, and through her the savior will come. In this God is merciful, God remembers his promises to Israel. God redeems his people in choosing Mary.

So, Why do we look to Mary?

The Magnificat is a proclamation of Mary’s obedience and it is a proclamation Mary’s Joy. It is also a proclamation of the values of the kingdom of God. And finally it is a proclamation that God is faithful to his promises.

We look to Mary because of the Magnificat, because the message of the magnificat is Mary’s message.

To look to Mary is to see God’s original plan for humanity. In her we see the obedience we are called to. Mary shows us how to respond to God’s redemptive action in our lives. Mary shows us that the proper response to being chosen is obedience and joy. Mary, thus reveals to us the personal quality of God’s love as well as the personal quality of a faithful human response.

To look to Mary is to see how God redeems humanity. He does so through a lowly woman from Nazareth. It is through humanity that God redeems humanity. He takes on this flesh of sinful humanity to fulfill his promise to Israel.

To look to Mary is to see, without a shadow of a doubt that God is faithful to his people, that because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his lovingkindness never fails.

Thus, the closer we come to Mary the better we see the splendor of God’s redeemed humanity and the beauty of redeemed life. God chose to take flesh in the woman who had found favor in God’s eyes and had responded to that favor with a full “yes.” This response was not only an initial agreement but a lifelong obedience to God’s redemptive presence. There is no other human being in whom we can see so fully what it means to receive the love of God who loves us so much that he sent his own Son.

Most importantly of all, we look to Mary because Mary constantly keeps before us that most intimate relationship with her son. Her complete obedience, radical humility, and unwavering faithfulness show us what a life of following Jesus truly can be. It is impossible to encounter Mary without immediately being led to Jesus. In her, faith finds its purest expression. She is the woman of faith, who always points away from herself to her Son, the source of our redemption.

Seminary, a Benedictine Monk, and Flannery O’connor

It is finished. τετελεσται. This week I completed the work necessary to complete my Masters of New Testament and my Masters of Theology. It has been an interesting journey. It never ended up being exactly what I expected. I suspect, however, it was what God thought I needed. I was blessed to have, as my final assignment, an opportunity to visit a Benedictine Monastery. In many ways this journey was characteristic of my journey in seminary, almost allegorically. So, with that, here is my story:

“The Misfit” and I

I arrived at the monastery around eight in the morning, about an hour before mass. It was a cool, rainy morning. It was not burdensome or violent rain, nor was it the kind of rain that would keep one from going outside. It was the type of rain that caused the air to be wet and appear like fog. It was a mist that shrouded most of the monastery in an opaque haze. Even the church, with its steeple rising above the tree line, was shrouded in mist until one was right in front of elaborate oak doors. It was a quintessential spring morning in the Appalachians, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I was greeted by Brother Isidore. He was exactly what one would think of when one thinks of a monk. He was wonderfully awkward but had a charm that is somehow unique to those who have accepted these Holy Orders, and yet, he also had a presence that, in a humble way, displayed his wisdom and spiritual maturity. He walked  me around the small monastery, pointing out the church, the refectory, the priory, and the guest house. All the while, he walked with his hood on because, as he said to me with a smile, “I don’t want to get my hair wet.”

After Brother Isidore left me, I took my own look around the guest house. I found the most comfortable couch I could find, in front of the largest window I could find. I pulled out my small copy of the Rule of St. Benedict and began reading. It was not long thereafter, however, that it was time for mass. I walked through the mist to the church. I had been to Roman Catholic mass before. It’s a weird feeling to sit through this liturgy. It’s beautiful and worshipful and yet, in the end I cannot sit at the same table as the brothers and sisters with whom I had just chanted: “In union with the whole Church we honor Mary, the ever-virgin mother of Jesus Christ our Lord and God. We honor Joseph, her husband, the apostles and martyrs Peter and Paul, Andrew, and all the saints. May their merits and prayers grant us your constant help and protection. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.” So, I left hungry.

I left the church to spend more time with St. Benedict. “O God, who didst vouchsafe to fill thy most blessed Confessor Benedict with the spirit of all the righteous: grant unto us thy servants who celebrate his Solemnity that, being filled with the same spirit, we may faithfully accomplish that which thou hast enabled us to promise. Through Jesus Christ thy Son, our Lord, who with thee in the unity of the Holy Ghost, liveth and reigneth God, world without end. Amen. Blessed Father Benedict, pray for me. Amen.”

I finished reading through our Blessed Father’s rule that morning. The one thing that most stood out to me was a final chapter titled “The Good Zeal of Monks.”

Just as there is a wicked zeal of bitterness which separates form God and leads to hell so there is a good zeal which separates from evil and leads to God and everlasting life. This then is the good zeal which monks must foster with fervent love; They should each tory to be the first to show respect to the other (Rom. 12:10), supporting with the greatest patience one another’s weakness of body or behavior, and earnestly competing in obedience to one another. No one is to pursue what he judges better for himself, but instead what he judges better for someone else. To their fellow monks they show the pure love of brother; to God, loving fear; to their Abbot, unfeigned and humble love. Let them prefer nothing whatever to Christ, an may he bring us all together to everlasting life. (RB 17)

“A good zeal which separates from evil and leads to God and everlasting life,” this is what I wanted, the good zeal of the monks. “O lord, this is what I want! But at present, I am lowly.”

I ate my lunch after Sext silently with the brothers. I remember there was a reader for lunch, as there is typically at a meal with Benedictines; however, I neither remember what he read nor where it was from. But what I do remember, in great detail, is the silence and being in the presence of “the good zeal of the monks.” It was a heavy feeling. It weighed upon my chest as though each passing moment was another brick laid upon my sternum, each breath harder and harder. Each of these brothers, clad in black robes, had something that I did not. Again, I left hungry.

As the sun further rose to the height of the afternoon the Appalachian morning mist burnt off, and I found a dry spot on a picnic table to sit. And that’s what I did. I sat. I sat and I watched as the weight of the water from this morning’s rain caused the leaves to fall to the ground. I sat and I watched the wind blow the Crape Myrtle flowers unceremoniously from their perch. I sat, I watched, and I thought what it would mean for me to have the good zeal of the monks. I scribbled fervently in a small brown moleskin notebook what I thought would bring me to this zeal. I scribbled out a rule of life as if to say “Lord, what I am asking for is really very ridiculous. I am saying, at present, I am lowly, but give me the good zeal of the monks, immediately.”

I went to None that afternoon. It was just the monks and I this time. The sisters prayed this hour in private. The monks processed, in followed by the abbot. They took their seats and we sat in silence. The abbot then, by rapping the pew in front of him with his first knuckle, gave the signal for us to begin. We stood and began to say the prayers to ourselves, but I was distracted. “Our Father, who art in heaven… I am lowly, oh God…..hallowed be thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done…grant me the good zeal of the monks, oh Lord… On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread… but the Lord can do that, can’t he?…and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen… The Lord can grant the good zeal of the monks to the lowly.

We finished the liturgy and the monks processed out. I stoped and stared at the altar. I, myself, then processed out. I dipped my hand in the Holy Water Font, crossed myself, and left the monastery. I left hungry, but hopeful.

And so, I leave seminary hungry but I leave hopeful.

A call to be Salt and Light

bonhoeffer-789x450.jpgThis is a brief homily I preached as the lectionary, fittingly, continues to go through the sermon on the mount. The sermon was, largely, influenced by Dietrich Bonhoeffer and his work “discipleship.” You will probably catch the references.

You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Therefore whoever relaxes  one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least  in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great  in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:13-20

“The cross is not an end of a pious, happy, life. Instead, it stands at the beginning of community with Jesus. Whenever Christ calls us. His call leads us to death.” These are the words written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his work Discipleship. These are the words written as the rise of Nazism began to grip the German people. These are the words written as only those deemed worthy by the state are allowed to live in peace under the third Reich. These are words written when what is seen as worthy, what is seen as an acceptable ethic was incompatible with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. “Whenever Christ calls us, His call leads us to death.”

We heard last week what it is that God expects of us. What it is that is meant to die to ourselves. “To do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.” This is what is expounded upon in the opening of the sermon on the mount. Blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who mourn, blessed are the meek, blessed are those that hunger and thirst for righteousness, blessed are the merciful, blessed are the pure in heart, blessed are the peacemakers, blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you on Christ’s account. Only these will be considered worthy of the kingdom of heaven. It is these that Christ calls us to die to embody. It is these that characterize a life of discipleship with christ. And it is to those that embody this ethic that our passage speaks to.

Our passage begins with an intensive y’all. YOU yourselves, are the light of the world. You who are poor in spirit, you who mourn, your who are meek, you who hunger for righteousness, you who are merciful, you are the salt of the world. Brothers and sisters, we must also note that the disciples are given no choice, Christ is not saying, ‘you should be the salt of the earth,” No, the disciples are given no choice as to if they want to be this salt or not. No appeal is made to them to become the salt of the earth. They just are by the power of the call that has reached them. It is not the message of christ that is the salt, that would diminish the meaning. What is in view is their entire existence, in so far as it is grounded in Christ’s call to discipleship, an existence which the beatitudes speak of. That is their calling, that is who they are, a calling and a life we share with them. All those who follow Christ’s call are made, by that call, to be the salt of the earth.

But why salt? What is it that we are made when we answer Christ’s call of discipleship? Nations grew rich from salt production. People survived winters by learning to preserve foods with salt. Salt was part of Roman soldiers’ pay, and the royal tax on salt was one of the abuses abolished by the French Revolution. It is an enduring substance and thus allows for an enduring metaphor. Homer called salt a divine substance because it preserves things as incorrupt and keeps them as dissolution. The salt, you see, is not for itself, the salt’s purpose is to be for another substance.

The light, is the same. Christ tells those that have aligned themselves to his call to discipleship are the light of the world. Again, You who are poor in spirit, you who mourn, you who are meek, you who hunger for righteousness, you who are merciful are the light of the world. Christ’s call creates followers that not only embody the invisible efficacy of salt but also the visible shine of light. You are the light, again, he is not saying you should be the light, or even you have the light but that you are the light. This light is the city on the hill. It is the mountain of the house of the Lord that has been established as the chief of the mountains, and has been raised above the hills; and all the nations stream to it. To be called the light of the world is to be called into participation in christ.

With this call, followers of Christ no longer have a choice. The only decision for the follower of Christ has already been made, you are the salt and light of the world. Indeed, the greek gives us a sense that Christ is going as far as to say that those called by Christ are they that salt the world, they are those that light the world. What is salt if it is not salty?  What is a light if it is hidden? The word used, translated as “having lost its flavor” also means foolish. A foolish man is one that attempts to follow christ but ignore his call. Salt that does not preserve and light hidden is worthless. Faith in christ without the following of this call is no faith at all.

Christ goes on to say that he has not come to abolish the law. Not a word of this law will pass away, not one iota until all is accomplished. It is Christ that has fulfilled this law, and this fulfillment could only come about through his death and resurrection. It is through the cross of Christ that the law is made valid. So that now whoever does and teaches these commandments will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. Now, whoever is poor in spirit, whoever mourns, whoever is meek, whoever hungers and thirsts for righteousness, whoever is merciful, whoever is pure in heart, whoever is a peacemaker, whoever is persecuted for righteousness’ sake, these are now blessed. These are now the salt and light of the world.

Brothers and Sisters, it is because Christ has fulfilled the law, through the cross of Christ that we are now the salt and light of the world. It is because of the the cross of Christ that we are now called to be the salt and light to the world. Our calling is a call to discipleship and this call to discipleship is a call to be for others, to be salt to others, to be light to others.

“Whenever Christ calls us. His call leads us to death.” The German is literally translated as “Every call of Christ, leads to death.” You have been called to discipleship with Christ. Christ does not say you should be the light, you should be the salt. You are the salt and light of the world, and if this salt is not able to preserve that which it is applied to and if this light does not illuminate it is worthless. Christ call to discipleship is a death to the old self, a life of faith in christ and a life dedicated to being for your neighbor, a life dedicated to being salt and light to the world.

A Christmas Homily

I was encouraged to post this. This is a short homily I preached at the end of the fall semester. This has been a hard year/semester for most of us. This was my attempt to speak into that. Special thanks to Tim Norton and Henry Coates, who’s homiletical skills are unrivaled.

I have put a link to the audio below, my delivery is less than ideal, e.g., I get off to a rough start and I sound Canadian when I say shepherds, but I thought I’d include it anyways.

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One of my favorite stories in Lord of the Rings is from the Chapter Houses of Healing in the Return of the King. After the battle of Pelanor fields, when the City of Minas Tirith was successfully defended, many are left wounded by the enemy and not even the greatest healers of the city are capable of healing them. The people are left desperate for a king, for Aragorn has still not revealed himself and there is an old tale, still believed by some in the city, namely a healer by the name of Ioreth, who has tried everything she could to heal the wounded. The old saying goes, “The hands of the King are the hands of a healer, and so shall the rightful king be known.” “The hands of the King are the hands of a healer, and so shall the rightful king be known.”  The rightful King, THE true King, the King we are waiting for is both a mighty ruler AND a healer. “The hands of the King are the hands of a healer, and so shall the rightful king be known.”  I want you to keep that in your mind as you listen to this text. Really sit with these words.

Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. 2 This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. 3 And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city. 4 Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, 5 in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child. 6 While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. 7 And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

8 In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; 11 for to you is born this day in the city of David a savior. 12 This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest,

And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

15 When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. 17 When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. 18 And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. 19 But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. 20 The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

“Unto you, is born this day the Savior!” The savior has come. And He does not pass you by as did the priest and the levite did the man who had fallen amongst thieves. He makes your situation his own. He has taken on your situation unto himself and made himself lowly. He remained what he was, and what he was not he assumed. Truly God became truly man. And this man came to heal and to teach the way, he put Himself at the disposal of those who needed Him. He took on the cancer of sin upon himself in order that He may cure it. He took on the cancer of hate, of racism, of death. He took all of this upon himself. He assumes sinful flesh and through this Christ heals. That’s what Christ has done. That’s what this text announces.

Christ invites us into the life of the trinity, and our humanity cannot preclude us from this.
Through this, Christ heals.
The cause of the widow and the orphan have been taken up
Through this, Christ heals.
The blind receive sight and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up.
Through this, Christ heals.
To you a savior is born, and this savior stands with you
Through this, Christ heals.
The hands of Christ are the hands of a healer.

We are able to recognize hope because of the healing that is given to us in the incarnation. The Holy One Himself comes down to us, God in child in the manger. God comes. The Lord Jesus comes. Christmas comes.

My question for y’all is, how do we recognize this hope when we do not have someone to point it out to us. How do we recognize hope when we do not have a multitude of the  heavenly host to proclaim it to us? This has been a hard year. There has been so much pain: the shootings of San Bernardino, California, Roseburg, Oregon, Charleston, South Carolina, and the pulse nightclub in Orlando, the racial tensions from the police shootings of innocent black men to riots, the most contentious presidential election we’ve ever seen. How do we recognize hope when, instead of a heavenly host proclaiming the hope that has just been given, we have a news anchor announcing more death, racism, and hate?

If you are like me, you are so desperate for some semblance of hope that you will follow anything that looks like angels proclaiming it and try to heal the hopelessness yourself.  You will burry yourself in your work, you will try and find hope in friends, or you simply plug your ears and hum only to find the every single effort fruitless.

To find the true answer we turn to our passage. “For to you is born this day in the city of David a savior” These words, friends, “to you, a savior,” is the Christmas story. The event that is being proclaimed here by the angel of the Lord, the action of the man who provides us hope, is how we recognize hope. It is true, we do not have angels descending from heaven to proclaim the presence of Hope to us. We do not have angels to proclaim to us that we should not be afraid, when we fear all hope is lost and we feel the weight of pain and hopelessness. What we do have is knowledge of a specific event, an event in history, an action taken by he that gives hope, in the city of David while Quirinius was governor of Syria.

We recognize hope by the past and promised action of Christ, god with us.

But what exactly is the action that is being done that gives us hope, that allows us to recognize this hope without the angel of the Lord proclaiming it to us like he did to the shepherds keeping watch over their flocks by night? My friends, the action that we may know him by, that we may recognize hope is his movement towards us, the Holy one himself comes down and becomes a child in a manger. “to you, a savior!”

Brothers and sisters, sometimes we need to be reminded of this. We need to be reminded that hope is given and we have found it. That a light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot lay hold of it. For in this action, we can recognize our hope. When we do not have angles to sing and proclaim our hope, we tend to follow any proclamation we can find in an attempt to heal ourselves from whatever is bearing down upon us. We try and find hope in relationships, we try and find hope in our accomplishment within the church, or we burry ourselves in our studies and we make our grades and our performance apart of our identity. We need to be reminded that our hope is found, only, in these words, “to you, a savior.” And it is this savior, alone, who heals.

For the hands of the King of the hands of a healer and and so shall the rightful king be known. We left Aragorn outside of the city, however, seeing the need, but still not wanting to reveal himself as the true king just yet, enters the city but he furls up his banner and enters as a Ranger, a man of an unknown, mysterious people from the North. He enters the House of healing, gathers a little known weed called Kingsfoil, and heals Faramir. Faramir stirs and Aragorn tells him, “Walk no more in the shadows, but awake! You are weary. Rest a while and take food, and be ready when I return.” He is recognized as the rightful king and rumors spread throughout the city that the true king has returned.

Walk no more in the shadows, but awake! You are weary. Rest a while and take food, and be ready when I return.

That is what we do in Advent. We wait. We wait for the final consummation of Christ’s action towards us. It is true that Christ has come, christ has healed, and we see this and recognize this hope but because of this action we also await a future hope. We wait until Christ comes back and makes all things new. But this time He will not enter the city as a Ranger with banners furled, or a child born in a manger because we cannot find room for him. He will come, written on his robe and thigh, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. The Holy city, the new Jerusalem, will descend down from heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And he will tabernacle amongst us. He will wipe away every tear from our eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor shootings, nor racism, nor hate. He will heal all. For the former things will have passed away.

Until that day, we wait. We sit with the hope found in the incarnation, god for us. We see the action taken towards us, we see the hope. Brothers and sisters, until that day, walk no more in the shadows, You are weary. Rest a while, and take food, and be ready when He returns.

 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B21e4gsNtkFwV21WX0s2M3hYMXc/view?usp=sharing

I am cheese

It is no secrete that Flannery O’Connor is a bit of a hero of mine. Her writings have been very influential to me these past few years at seminary, but not in a normal way. I’ve read a lot of Barth and he has shaped my theology more than any other theologian and I never miss an opportunity to talk to people about him, but with Ms. O’Connor, it has been a more of a private journey. She has shaped my spiritual life– of which I don’t talk to many people about.

With that being said, I have recently found a prayer she wrote. This prayer describes my journey this semester.

What I am asking for is really very ridiculous. Oh Lord, I am saying, at present I am a cheese, make me a mystic, immediately. But then God can do that—make a mystic out of cheeses. But why should He do it for an ingrate slothful & dirty creature like me. I can’t stay in the church to say a Thanksgiving even and as for preparing for Communion the night before—thoughts all elsewhere. The Rosary is mere rote for me while I think of other and usually impious things. But I would like to be a mystic and immediately. But dear God please give me some place, no matter how small, but let me know it and keep it. If I am the one to wash the second step everyday, let me know it and let me wash it and let my heart overflow with love washing it. God loves us, God needs us. My soul too. So then take it dear God because it knows that You are all it should want and if it were wise You would be all it would want and the times it thinks wise. You are all it does want, and it wants more and more to want You. Its demands are absurd. It’s a moth who would be king, a stupid slothful thing, a foolish thing, who wants God, who made the earth, to be its Lover. Immediately.

If I could only hold God in my mind. If I could only always just think of Him.

This has been my journey this semester.

Lord, I am cheese. Make me a mystic.

Easter and Tolkien

 

t427

My Easter thoughts have brought me, as many thoughts do, to Tolkien. In the final installment of the Lord of The Rings, The Return of the King, after death himself, Sauron has died and the Ring with it, the hobbits find themselves in Gondor. Sam, coming around asks Gandalf what day it is, and thus Tolkien writes:

‘Noon?’ said Sam, trying to calculate. ‘Noon of what day?’

‘The fourteenth of the New Year’ said Gandalf; ‘or if you like, the eighth day of April in the Shire reckoning. But in Gondor the New Year will always no begin upon the twenty-fifth of March when Sauron fell, and when you were brought out of the fire to the King. He has tended you, and now he awaits you. You shall eat and drink with him. When you are ready I will lead you to him’

A Tolkien scholar by the name of Tom Shippey describes the significance of this:

No one any longer celebrates the twenty-fifth of March, and Tolkien’s point is accordingly missed, as I think he intended. He inserted it only as a kind of signature, a personal mark of piety. However, as he knew perfectly well, in old English tradition, 25th March is the date of the crucifixion, of the first Good Friday. As Good Friday is celebrated on a different day each year, Easter being a mobile date defined by the phases of the moon, the connection has been lost, except for one thing. In Gondor the New Year will always begin on the 25th of March… One might note that in the Calendar of dates which Tolkien so carefully wrote out in Appendix B, December 25th is the day on which the fellowship sets out from Rivendell. The main action of the Lord of the Rings takes place, then, in the mythic space between Christmas, Christ’s birth, and the crucifixion, Christ’s death.

Knowing this, we understand the full force of Gandalf’s words and what is about to happen on the precipice of the city of Gondor. Death has died, Sauron is dead. The King has tended to us and awaits us. The king has returned to Gondor.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

I pray that as you celebrate Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday tomorrow, this will be what is on your mind. “But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, “Death is swallowed up in victory. “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.”

–Your Humble Servant

A Seminarian’s Reminder

This semester has been a roller coaster. More and more I find myself drowning under the weight that is piled upon me. I feel like how I can only assume Atlas feels, carrying his yoke, all the while wishing it would crush its bearer. I am continuously reminded of all that I have left to do on this journey I have chosen. The next resulting thing is a question, one I have pondered late into the night, like tonight; “What the hell am I doing here?”

Tonight as I asked that question to myself I began to read Isaiah, chapter six.  Here I am presented with Isaiah having a vision of the throne room of God. I am given two different reactions to the presence of God.  Isaiah sees the seraphim before him, glorifying and praising their God. They say to Him, “HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, is the LORD of host, the whole earth is filled with his glory!”

I love how this sounds in the original Hebrew:

קָדֹ֧ושׁ קָדֹ֛ושׁ קָדֹ֖ושׁ יְיָ צְבָאֹ֑ות מְלֹ֥א כָל־הָאָ֖רֶץ כְּבֹודֹֽו׃

qädôsh qädôsh qädôsh [Adonai] tz’väôt m’lo khäl-hääretz K’vôdô

And then Isaiah gives his response to the presence of God. “Woe to me! For I am destroyed! For I am a man of unclean lips and I am living among a people of unclean lips! For my eyes have seen the king, LORD of hosts!”

Too often I follow Isaiah when presented with God and his plan for me. I am destroyed, for I am a man of unclean lips. I am not smart enough! I am not capable! I am not able to fulfill all that you have planed for me! I am a sinner! I am ‘so mean that in remembrance of my mortality, I mayest say to corruption, “Thou art my father,” and to the worm, “Thou art my sister”’  I see God’s glory and the possibility of an abundant life because it is centered around Jesus Christ and I shudder.  Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?

I forget about the provision of the Lord. I forget His promises of love and forgiveness. I forget that  the LORD God condescended to Isaiah and a seraph flew down to him and touched a hot coal to his lips and told him; “Look! This has touched your lips and has removed your guilt, and your sin is annulled.”  I forget that ‘in Christ thou art so honored that thou canst say to the Almighty, “Abba, Father,” and to the Incarnate God, “Thou art my brother and my husband.”’

The_Prophet_Isaiah_1726_29

The Lord God then says “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” Because Isaiah’s sins are cleansed and he is made right in the eyes of the Lord, he is able to respond;

I am here! Send me!

Sometimes I forget, that is why I am here. I am here because the only response that I know of to God’s grace and provision, and his forgiveness and love is the phrase “I am here! Send me!”

I have dedicated my life to spurring others on to a deeper relationship with Christ through discipleship, being intentional with my relationships, and by humbly seeking after the deep things of God and teaching others what I have learned. And I, like St. Peter, know of no where else to go and know of no one to go to. For Christ has the words of eternal life and I believe and have come to know that He is the the Holy One of God. I am convinced that he will provide manna for me while at seminary.

Sometimes I just need a reminder.